The Edge of Existence

Take the edges off everything and make it completely homogeneous and this is how my son likes it - everything that is. Toast, steak, clothing, relationships, emotions, weather, meals - you name it and he likes it better when there are no outliers.

I'm learning to understand, but more important, appreciate this type of perspective. The middle of something is usually where the facts are - the bones of it so to speak. The edges of ideas are often where the stray concepts are, the notions that 'might be' less likely to explain things and the parts that really don't represent the majority. Whether that's a condition, a consensus or a concept, the middle has no rough edges that can taint the rest.

I'm getting used to my son's habit of removing the edge of the toast. I'm stopped trying to 'nicely brown and crisp' his fried chicken because watching him skin it at the table isn't very palatable not to mention - it's bad table manners. I no longer grill his hamburger for the same reason. Watching him try to 'shave' the char-broiled-ness off his is really more than I can take some nights. When he was little - he wouldn't eat the ends of the french fries. He also won't eat Icee Pops without smashing the crap out of them with the back of a wooden spoon first - so that the insides are transformed into a uniform slush as opposed to icy on the inside and melted near the outside.

I made Spaghetti for dinner last week. The sauce was a home made Bolognese version with vegetables and meat. I knew beyond all doubt that there was no way in Hell he was going to eat it. I always have to keep a jar of his favorite, homogeneous, "no-lumps or things" style sauce. We had company for that very informal dinner and my guest chastised me for preparing something different for Jackson.  In vain, I tried to explain that it was simply easier to do it this way than try for the ten millionth time to convince him that eh will not notice the two specs of parsley detectable in a half gallon of sauce.
In the middle of that conversation, I had an epiphany. I wondered? "Why am I apologizing to a someone who is obviously a virtual stranger regarding both Jackson's innate nature and the manners in which his particular Autism Spectrum symptoms are displayed?" Instead, I should have been asking her if she might like to reconsider staying for dinner if it made her so uncomfortable that she felt she needed to offer parenting instructions clearly outside of her realm of expertise.

At the middle of this issue is not Jackson's seemingly irrational notions about food. We all have ideas about what we prefer and what we don't. At the middle is the idea that I am his parent and it is my job to make sure that he gets enough food to satisfy the needs of a teen aged boy. At the middle is the idea that I don't like tofu so I don't eat it. At the middle is the idea that Jackson doesn't like 'specs' or 'lumps' so he doesn't eat them.

I guess when you look at things from the edge it's hard to understand what's in the middle.
I truly believe that most people spend their time gazing from the edge and never have enough courage to venture out into the middle.
Thanks to Jackson, I have and I get it now. He is SO right!!