. . . Girls! . . . .

Some days I wish that I had a magic wand so that I could skip by all the unpleasantness life offers and only experience the times that provide joy, bring happiness and leave me feeling fulfilled, cherished and satisfied. If only!

Oddly enough, this is how my son behaves all the time. He always has. He always manages to arrange his life so that this is exactly what he gets. Logically, it makes sense. Why would you want the bad parts if they are at all avoidable? He skips by the part that is essentially unnecessary and unpleasant as if by choice and moves straight to the part where there is potential only for reward. He did it when he started to walk; went directly from sitting on the floor to walking all over the house on his own. He didn't spend time stumbling, falling, bruised or clumsy. And he's behaving in the same manner again - now.

The other night he came in my room to ask me if I would be available one night next week. Tentatively, I said that I would be. Not wanting to push too much for what I instinctively recognized and the potentially excruciatingly embarrassing teenage divulgence of a secret social plan, extremely privileged, highly private and deeply personal information, I waited for the rest of the question (and story) to unfold.
Fundamentally, what he was asking me was if I would be able to give him a ride to a football game. What he was really asking me concerned the finer points of behavior when meeting a girl at a location other than school.
My son has never been one to have friends his own age. Despite that he knows his peers and (I hope) he interacts with them regularly during his day - he has never once invited a friend over or been invited (not that he's told me about anyway) to a friend's house. And now it seems as though he has decided that he's going to move from 'no friends' to 'hopeful girlfriend' with no in between.

When the day came, I took him to the stadium where the game was being played and dropped him off with very little discussion other than to ask him to text me when he was ready to come home and how to find me amid the streams of school buses and other parents picking up kids. I was worried, but tried very hard to trust in his judgment and his own self-confidence.
Historically, being left somewhere in the dark and without concrete verification that he had a way home and alone would leave him practically paralyzed with panic. In short, he wouldn't be able to concentrate on the fun of the outing because he would be so worried about how he's going to fare without all his familiar structures.

None of that happened.

He sent me a text when the game was over. I picked him up from a basically abandoned and darkened parking lot where he was patiently waiting - alone. He texted me once and called me twice while I was on my way. Only twice!! Not sixteen . . . . or twenty. For my son, this is tantamount to a tectonic shift in his behavior. I was afraid that something was very wrong. I worried the entire way there that I would find him a stressed out wreck and promising to never go out alone again. Instead, he was calm, relaxed, thirsty and hungry. -All perfectly normal. There was no sweating, no panic, no jitters, no need for constant verification of stability and or trust. I was amazed. I'm still amazed.

I am so proud of him!! He made plans with someone - a friend - and went out on his own.

Steak dinner

My son and I were on our own a few nights ago. My youngest was at a Friday Night Football game with his fellow band members and would be busy most of the evening. That left my oldest and I at home together. I love spending time with both my boys, but as a single parent, I rarely have more than a few minutes with just one of them so I was really looking forward to it.

In addition, my oldest has been working on a project for the previous two and a half weeks that he finally figured out and achieved. He desperately wanted to share his success with me and I'd been so busy - not to mention exhausted - all week. He was frustrated with me, but tried very hard to accept my limitations not as disinterest, but simple exhaustion. Friday was our night to examine his work - just the two of us.

I have to say that he did a fabulous job. His task was to take my ten year old laptop and my fifteen year old desk top and merge the content of both onto a new (his old) laptop with an updated operating system; iTunes, music, software, drivers and everything. He did it - flawlessly. It's perfect and everything is here . . . a seamless transition. There is no way in the world that I could have done it on my own. I just don't speak 'IT.' He does - fluently and it shows.

I got so carried away in his ability and he was so excited to show me all the new bells and whistles that he had employed (not that I understand how) that before we knew it, it was almost 8pm. We were both starving, well past 'crabby' and quickly approaching 'hornery' on the hungry meter so we decided we needed to go out to eat.
Normally, when we go out to eat we stop for Chinese food. He's familiar with it and the people who work there. It's extremely consistent which makes it a safe bet. The also have items that he enjoys like Egg Drop Soup, Sweet and Sour Chicken and steamed rice.
The other place he enjoys is an Italian place. They will make Pasta Alfredo for him and leave off all the leaves, garnishes and other food items that most people find attractive. As well, he likes to sit at the 'bar' and watch the cooks in the kitchen. This way he can actually watch them make his food to be sure they don't put anything 'extra' in it. It's a perfect environment - if he can't be at home where he can be relatively certain that I won't throw him a curve where his dinner is concerned.

So this is why I was so surprised when he said that he was so hungry, but also tired of Chinese.
What?! Really? Hmmm . . .. Now what was I going to do? I hadn't even considered going to any other place to eat. I don't usually have the option, but here it was practically handed to me. Normally, this would be fun because we get to go find a new place. But I'm sure it didn't equate to 'fun' for Jackson. Trying a new restaurant when he's already hungry and the possibility of him being disappointed in what arrives in front of him is pure stress.
Personally, I love trying new places and I'm okay with being let down, surprised or happily content with what another cook's version of the food I order. I expect one of these outcomes. however, when my son goes out to eat nothing changes. He wants the same certainty that he gets at home and that's a rarity. So when he finds it - we stick with it.

Cautiously, I suggested a Tex-Mex place I'd heard was good and just as cautiously he agreed to try it. But when we arrived, there was a line out the door of this tiny restaurant wedged in between the Indian grocery store and the used video game shop.
Nervously, I drove on desperately hoping we wouldn't end up at some grease-infused, fast food oasis.

Where we ended up is definitely not on my list preferred eating establishments, but it's a safe place for my son - in a pinch. Since there are so few of them, I gladly took it. The alternative (the new Lebanese restaurant that I've been wanting to try) was entirely out of the question because he doesn't know what Lebanese is. I'm not sure I do either, but I'd be willing to find out. My son . . . not so much.

Dinner is different with an Aspergian because there are rules that must be followed regardless the environment. Despite that my son knows there are several different types of protein on our menu at home, All meat is labeled, "chicken." As well, there must be cheese. It's not negotiable. Vegetables cannot be consumed unless they're cooked to a point where they balance precariously on a fine line between mushy and not quite done. There can be no crunchy broccoli and only the tops are consumable. He hates all onions, doesn't like sauces, will shave the charcoal-grilled marks off everything before it's consumed and anything that resembles a casserole or a compilation of flavors is summarily rejected.
No lumps or specks, no matter how indiscernible their flavor, no 'mixed up' foods, no textural deviance's. Think 'vanilla ice cream' and then apply those parameters those parameters to all foods. Okay so now you get it. It's difficult to find foods he will eat. Pizza is okay, but not all pizza. If it's some Artisan - style fancy pants, pizza with whole, fresh basil leaves and thin slices of tomato - it may as well be Tuna Casserole and is immediately relegated to the very bottom rungs on the "Acceptability Scale."

It's true. My son had rules about food. But don't we all? What is the difference between his dislike of parsley and another's complete horror at the thought of coming within five feet of Wasabi or a Cucumber? Is there a good reason why I should try to force my son to change his distaste for sweet potatoes when my other son would not eat a mushroom to save his life? What is the real difference here?

Nothing.

There is no difference beyond that for some unexplained reason we try to change those with Asperger's because they have Asperger's instead of accepting that they just might not like sweet potatoes because they're human and have a right to opinions and the ability to decide what they just don't care for.

My son would be happy with a fillet Mignon, fettuccine Alfredo and steamed broccoli for dinner three nights a week within a repertoire of five meals that were placed on rotation this way he would know what we're having for dinner in advance.
Actually, it's all everyone cares about. We just don't say it. He's not so different from any of us. His difference is that he talks about it and insists that we acknowledge his likes and dislikes as opposed to selfishly overlooking them because it's a lot less work.