You goin' out?!?!

My son is going out with friends?

! Wait! Are you sure? because you know who my son is, right?

It's true. My son is going out with some 'friends' - for the first time in his life.

The news came to me on a Wednesday. My oldest boy wanted to go to the park after school instead of coming directly home as he always does. (He needs to check to be sure his younger brother got home okay and get something to eat. It's what he does - every weekday without fail.) He is 17 so it should be fine, right? Even though he has never been out with friends before - ever?
This Friday would be different. He was going to the park  . . .'with friends.' That was all I knew.

In a way the outing seemed completely normal and my anxious reaction a least a little paranoid. I felt knowingly overzealous to insist on the typical information from a child who is venturing out on his or her own for the first time but unable to resist asking.

"Who are you going with?"
"What are their names? Yes, all of them."
"Where do you know them from?"
"Where will you be?"
"How long are you staying?"
"Are you going anywhere else?"

Normally, kids begin going out with, meeting or 'hangin' out' with friends years earlier than 17. I have heard stories about trips to the movies or the mall where one of the parents agrees to chauffeur. But by 17 most of these young adults can take care of themselves which makes this line of questioning seem a bit silly. I felt silly asking. But I couldn't help it. As a Mom, I couldn't not ask. I asked them all and then some. . . . got my answers and let him go.

I packed him an extra lunch to eat at the park knowing that he would be hungry missing both his afternoon snack and his dinner and waited . . . .
I made dinner. I did housework. I tried to read. I looked for more housework to do. I baked something. All the while I wondered, "Was he having fun?"  "Were the kids being decent toward him (or did they invite him along so they would have someone to tease)?" I know it's terrible to admit, but it's a real concern and one that has been validated over and over again by real situations.

Just before 9 o'clock p.m. I received a text from my son letting me know that he was on his way home - walking. The park wasn't far at all and he was with another boy who's parents were picking him up soon. My son had stayed later because he didn't want to leave the other child alone and waiting in the dark.

And here I was worried about my son while he was busy making sure the others were safe.

He came home a little cold, very hungry and said that he had a 'really good time.' He shared some pictures that he had taken with the camera on his phone. He even spoke about some of the antics and activities of the night. It was all typical teenage behavior from what I could tell. I tried very hard to restrict my questions to simple inquires and leave his private experience alone. After all, I didn't want to scare him off from sharing his feelings with me through my own over-protective scrutiny. I didn't want him to begin looking for trouble where there may not be any.

All-in-all, my son had a great time. He came home happier and more animated than he typically behaves. He was with friends, they didn't make him feel unwanted or as though he shouldn't be there and he said it was 'fun.'

Everything seems totally normal. And it is. He is going out again with them this weekend.

Even though I am wondering what it was I was concerned about, I know that I will worry for him again this Friday.