The World is Full of Tshirts and Not One of Them is Mine

I'm sure mornings can be fragile for kids with ASDs. They are a time to re-establish routine, to make sure that the laws that governed the previous day still exist and that the speck of control that was perceived has not drifted away like the images in a dream.
Mornings that go well are a critical piece in forming an entire day that goes well.
In our house, we have learned to protect them. Because when my son has a crappy morning, the repercussions can last for days, turning everything sour.

Sleep is the most important ingredient to a good morning. Trying to function on less than eight or nine hours of sleep - for my son - is tantamount to trying to get Windows 7 to run on a Mac. It just doesn't work. The operating system is there and all the hardware is connected, but nothing makes any sense.

Oddly enough, shirts seem to be the key to a successful or completely disastrous beginning. Who knew shirts could create such a tenuous environment? My son might a drawer full of clean tshirts and nothing about that means that he has anything to wear. In this way, he is a completely normal teenager!! The problem is further down. They might not be 'right.' Or they may no longer 'fit' the mood.
Apparently, there are 'weekend shirts' which are different from 'sleeping shirts' (although I can't perceive the difference) and there are tshirts that he tried, but simply can no longer deal with. Then and only then do we get to the 'school shirts.' The smallest group and the most critical of any.

Shirts cannot be too bright - like yellow. They cannot have any stitching on them - at least nothing that penetrates the fabric that would be palpable from underneath. They have to be some combination of blue and red. No decals. Nothing that will make one area of fabric a discernibly different texture than another area. Tshirts have to be slightly too big - when you're growing an inch a month, this is really difficult to keep up with. Most important, they have to 'feel right.' This is the criterion that I have been unable to quantify. Sometimes, when I'm having trouble understanding 'right' it helps me to define 'wrong.' Unfortunately, I can't define either in this case. Some days I believe that accepting the boundaries of my son's choices is most difficult because I have no other choice but to resign to blind faith and total submissive respect where his clothes are concerned.
This would be hard for any parent, but it's something that I have learned to do. Let Jackson be Jackson.
It used to be that it made absolutely no difference to my son what anyone thought of his clothing. In fact, all through the second and third grade, he wore a shirt and tie to school. It was how he was comfortable.
Now, I have to make bargains just to even get him to wear long sleeves. (They get in the way of his watch.) No matter the temperature, he's in a tshirt.

It's true, there are times when both me and his younger brother feel like Jackson's needs rule the roost - so to speak. But I don't think they do. I think they're just more obvious because they disproportionate.
For most of us, given a choice of a drawer full of tshirts, we would choose one. If our favorites weren't there, we would choose an alternative. This is the point at which my oldest can't navigate. He can't choose an alternative, because to him - the aren't any. The only viable alternative is to not go to school (only because I won't let him wear a dirty one from the hamper).

Here is the difference as I see it. For my son, making choices about clothing is difficult. When you add that he needs to make these choices in an environment that he is truly uncomfortable in - aka "Mall" (loud noises, crowds, lots of distractions and lots of people) it's no wonder he picks anything. He's learned that I won't be satisfied until he makes a choice. He does it just so that we can leave and go back home where he's comfortable. At home, in the confines and security of his room, he can decide about his tshirts - chose those that won't create even more distractions during his day.

Gee! This sounds like exactly what we all call 'shopping.' The difference is that when we shop, we're able to say, "I don't like this one because . . . ." and fill in the blank. The fact that my son can't verbally, but knows instinctively is the ONLY difference.
So what exactly is it that we get so frustrated with as parents of these teens? It's us. Our ability or lack thereof to enter their world and understand their thoughts and how they make decisions. This is why I try to just Let Jackson be Jackson and know that he will choose what works for him and not what works for me. For him, a dirty shirt that he's comfortable in is better than a clean shirt that bothers him. It means the difference between being able to concentrate in Physics class or not. It's that simple. As well, who am I to decide what 'feels wrong' to him?
If you can, try to imagine all the decisions you make in a day having the same weight, the same level of importance. For my son, I am beginning to learn that in the same way that he treats every one equally, he treats choice equally. None are less important than any other. So picking out a tshirt is no less critical than deciding who to talk to. Can you imagine what this is like for them?

My advice is: When you find something that works, buy a lot of them. Who says he can't wear the same shirt  twice in a week? If it's clean and identical to another he wore previous, is the world really going to stop spinning?

My son is almost an adult. He does chores, he earns money, he prepares food. He will soon learn to drive. I certainly wouldn't let my son choose MY clothes for the day. That would definitely make for a bad morning.