Summer

I haven't written in a while. Summer is busy - and different.

That lovely languid roll of days that summer promises is not always welcome in our house. Our entire routine changes from something to distinguish one hour from the next to a big, open empty space that is tough to define. School bell schedules, classes, bus routes and everything that marks days with consistency and certainty disappear for a few months.
All the most obvious signs of structure are gone. We even sometimes go on vacation to places where anything might be expected. Most people love to go to new places, to stay in places they don't recognize and to experience places that are unfamiliar. I know that this is precisely what most people really love about summer, but for an Autistic boy it's a nerve-wracking disaster.
My son needs familiarity. He needs to know that things won't change too much. He needs certainty and consistency. This is difficult on vacations, but not impossible. Retaining some consistency is most difficult for those who don't need or want it as much. They wonder why we have to stick to mundane and pointless activities when there are so many other more interesting things to do. We forget that for my oldest son, sticking to his routine where possible means that he gets to sidestep some of the anxiety that goes with abandoning familiarity - which means he retains the ability to participate in some new experiences. Not all, but some.

There are some activities that will simply never happen. For example, my oldest son will never get on a boat. No way! Not happening. I tried to take him canoeing once down a river that was literally as deep as his ankles. He was so nervous the entire time that he eventually threatened to get out and walk the rest of the trip. I let him - and he did. Once he was out of the boat, he was fine - walking down the river alongside the boat he was in control again despite that he was sometimes calf-deep in water. I've stopped asking him to go on whale watching expeditions or on ferries. I know better than to ask him about a cruise. It's just not worth it. Instead we schedule more sedate outings where he can participate as much or as little as he is comfortable and the rest of us can be entertained as well. We go historic places, we travel to family members towns and we spend time letting my son have his routine where he can. He needs his computer time to decompress and restore his brain to 'normal' after a day of 'unusual.'
Still and at the same time, he needs something to occupy his time and it needs to be something that is scheduled. Something that could be written down if need be - even a 'To-Do List" can be substituted if it's absolutely necessary - if there are no better options available.
It's not that he really wants to get anything accomplished. Instead, the issue that makes him anxious is that there is no schedule, no certainty to his day, no hard and fast, set-in-stone plans; so we have to establish some - anything.
Haircuts, going to the gym at a certain time, taking a book back to the library by a certain time, watering the lawn when the sun reaches a certain place in the sky and keeping dinnertime sacred and scheduled. All these activities mean that there is a rhythm to the day that is certain. It's the small rhythms that are important. the larger rhythms of life can be so less discernible and therefore create far less anxiety if they are not explicitly paid attention to all the time. It's the smaller pieces of time, those pieces that immediately surround us that he has to be sure about. If he can be sure about them, then the larger pieces will have been looked after well enough.

And ultimately, it's all about certainty.